Self-Love, Sovereignty, and Starting Over: What We Learned from Jonathan Aslay

When most people think about self-love, they picture self-care routines, soothing rituals, or inspirational quotes. But in my recent conversation with Jonathan Aslay, one of America’s leading midlife self-love coaches, he reminded us that true self-love is something much deeper—and much harder. It is the courageous act of taking responsibility for your emotional life, examining your patterns, and reconnecting with the parts of yourself that have been buried by trauma, heartbreak, and identity loss.

Jonathan’s journey is a powerful testament to resilience. He survived divorce, financial collapse, and the unimaginable loss of his 19-year-old son, Connor. Yet instead of allowing grief to destroy him, he used it to rebuild his emotional foundation. He calls this “emotional scaffolding”—therapy, self-help, spiritual work, and the willingness to examine his pain rather than numb it.

One of the most eye-opening parts of our conversation was his take on dating. Jonathan believes most people don’t struggle with dating—they struggle with self-worth. When you’re operating from a wounded place, you look for someone else to validate you. You confuse chemistry with compatibility, and you sacrifice your needs to be chosen. His solution? Sovereignty. Two whole, sovereign people creating agreements instead of losing themselves in expectations.

Jonathan also spoke about trauma, triggers, and the importance of a self-examined life. Triggers aren’t setbacks—they’re invitations. They show us where healing is needed and where old programming still lives inside us. This is the heart of self-love: facing our emotions, speaking our truth, and refusing to abandon ourselves.

And perhaps one of my favorite insights was his reframing of money as appreciation—a beautiful reminder that gratitude can shift our emotional frequency and reconnect us with abundance.

Jonathan’s message is clear:
Self-love is not what we do. It is who we become when we finally choose ourselves.

For anyone healing after divorce, emotional abuse, or years of self-neglect, this episode offers hope—and a path forward.