There’s a phase in rebuilding your life that no one really prepares you for.

It’s not the breaking point.

It’s not even the healing.

It’s the in-between—the space where who you used to be no longer fits… but who you’re becoming isn’t fully clear yet.

This is what I call the Identity Gap.

Codependency is one of those words that gets used often—but rarely understood in its full depth. At its core, codependency is a pattern of behavior where your sense of identity, worth, and emotional stability becomes tied to another person. It often shows up as overgiving, people-pleasing, difficulty setting boundaries, and prioritizing others’ needs at the expense of your own.

There’s something no one tells you about dating after divorce.

It’s not harder because you’re older.
It’s not harder because the apps are exhausting.
It’s harder because you’re no longer willing to pretend.

Low self-esteem is often treated like a quiet inconvenience—something personal, private, and manageable. But the truth is, low self-esteem is expensive. And I don’t just mean emotionally. It comes with real, measurable costs that show up in our relationships, careers, health, and overall quality of life.

For decades, divorce was seen as a young person’s problem — something that happened early, before life fully settled. But a quieter, powerful shift has been unfolding in recent years: gray divorce.

Every January, we set goals with hope and determination—promising ourselves that this year will be different. Yet for many women, those goals quietly fall away within weeks. It’s easy to blame motivation or discipline, but the real issue is often something deeper:

Self-worth.

There’s a quiet voice that follows me more often than I like to admit. It whispers that no matter how much I accomplish, no matter how hard I try, I’m still falling short. Not smart enough. Not healed enough. Not successful enough. Just… not enough.  Do you ever feel this way?

Divorce can feel like a devastating ending. Unfortunately, I know this feeling all too well having experienced my own messy divorce. But what I learned is that it can also be the beginning of a powerful new chapter. Whether the separation was mutual or one-sided, healing from the emotional fallout requires time, intention, and support. The good news? You can rebuild your life—and create something even stronger and more aligned with who you truly are.

As I’ve been interviewing guests for my new podcast, Bent Not Broken: Starting Over After Abuse, several have mentioned the term “covert narcissist.” I’ve experienced narcissistic behavior before, but it made me wonder—what’s the difference between a narcissist and a covert one? The word “narcissist” has become more familiar in recent years as research sheds light on this complex personality disorder.

Life has a way of testing our strength when we least expect it. One moment, everything feels steady—and the next, we’re facing a storm that shakes the very foundation we stand on. But here’s the truth. Resilience isn’t about never falling apart. It’s about learning how to bend without breaking.

A Vegas encounter taught me that the most valuable things we bring home aren't souvenirs, but clarity about what we truly deserve in relationships after divorce.

Breaking free from an abusive relationship marks the courageous initiation of a journey toward self-discovery and healing. It's a profound decision that demands resilience, strength, and a commitment to rebuilding one's life. The path to recovery may be challenging, but it is undoubtedly transformative.