Silence can be deafening—and when it’s used by a narcissist, it becomes one of the most painful forms of emotional abuse. The silent treatment isn’t about taking time to cool off or reflect—it’s about punishment and control. It’s their way of sending a clear, devastating message: You don’t matter until I say you do.

As I’ve been interviewing guests for my new podcast, Bent Not Broken: Starting Over After Abuse, several have mentioned the term “covert narcissist.” I’ve experienced narcissistic behavior before, but it made me wonder—what’s the difference between a narcissist and a covert one? The word “narcissist” has become more familiar in recent years as research sheds light on this complex personality disorder.

You’ve finally moved on. You’ve done the hard work to heal, let go, and step into your power—only to receive a random “Hey stranger” text from the person who caused the most confusion in your life. You freeze. You wonder: Should I respond? What does this mean?