Paperclipping: The Subtle Manipulation Tactic That Keeps You Hooked!
How It Relates to Gaslighting and Breadcrumbing—And What to Do About It
You’ve finally moved on. You’ve done the hard work to heal, let go, and step into your power—only to receive a random “Hey stranger” text from the person who caused the most confusion in your life. You freeze. You wonder: Should I respond? What does this mean?
Welcome to the world of paperclipping.
Coined from a meme referencing the Microsoft Word assistant “Clippy” (who popped up just when you didn’t need him), paperclipping is when a toxic person reaches out, seemingly out of nowhere, not because they care or want to reconnect in a healthy way, but to keep a thread of connection alive. It’s a manipulation tactic designed to keep you emotionally invested, confused, or hoping for more—without them actually offering anything meaningful.
Let’s dive into how paperclipping connects with other emotional manipulation tactics like gaslighting and breadcrumbing, the signs to watch out for, and how to protect your peace.
What Is Paperclipping?
Paperclipping is a form of emotional baiting. It typically happens after a relationship has ended or gone silent. The manipulator sends a random, vague, or sentimental message—not to rekindle a genuine relationship, but to:
Reignite emotional investment
Test if you’re still available
Maintain control or ego validation
Avoid full closure
It’s often subtle, which is what makes it so damaging.
How It Relates to Gaslighting and Breadcrumbing
Gaslighting involves making you question your reality, memory, or perception. A paperclipper might gaslight by acting as if the pain they caused didn’t happen:
“I don’t know why you’re being so distant. I thought we had something special.”
This invalidates your experience and messes with your emotional clarity.
Breadcrumbing, on the other hand, is when someone gives you just enough attention, affection, or interest to keep you hanging on—but never enough to build a real connection.
Paperclipping is a subset of breadcrumbing whereas the occasional message is the "breadcrumb," but there's no follow-through.
Signs You’re Being Paperclipped
Random check-ins with no real intention: “Hey! Just thought of you.” (Then silence.)
Messages on meaningful days: Birthdays, holidays, or anniversaries—timed to trigger nostalgia.
Vague emotional hooks: “You always understood me” or “I miss your energy.”
No plans or effort to reconnect meaningfully: They contact you, but ghost when you reply or offer to meet.
You feel confused or emotionally triggered after their message.
They reappear just when you’ve moved on or started healing.
Real-Life Examples of Paperclipping
The Silent Ex Returns:
You haven’t heard from your ex in months. Suddenly, a DM pops up:
“I heard that song we used to love—made me think of you.”
They don't ask how you're doing or make plans. They're just fishing for a response.
2. The Situationship That Never Ends:
They said they weren’t ready for a relationship, and you accepted it.
But every few weeks they react to your IG story or send a flirty message.
3. Post-Gaslight Reappearance:
After denying your feelings and making you feel like you were the problem,
they circle back with:
“You were right. I just wasn’t ready. But I miss you.”
No apology. No accountability. Just enough to reopen the door.
How to Protect Yourself
1. Recognize the Pattern
The first step is awareness. If someone’s presence feels like an emotional boomerang, it probably is.
2. Don’t Romanticize the Message
That “miss you” or “thinking of you” text may feel sweet, but ask yourself: Have their actions ever matched their words?
3. Resist the Urge to Reply Immediately
Pause. Breathe. Ask yourself what you really want—and what this person is actually offering.
4. Set Boundaries
Silence is a boundary. You don’t owe anyone a response - especially someone who repeatedly hurts or confuses you.
5. Block or Mute if Needed
You’re not being petty. You’re being protective of your peace.
Final Thoughts
Paperclipping is sneaky. It doesn’t scream manipulation—it whispers it, disguised as sentimentality or casual kindness. But beneath the surface lies the same toxic intent as gaslighting and breadcrumbing: control, confusion, and ego validation.
You deserve clarity, consistency, and care—not cryptic texts from people who only show up when it’s convenient.
So the next time you see that random message from the ghost of relationships past, remember this: You are not a paperclip. You are a whole, complete person who doesn’t need to be kept on anyone’s emotional desktop.
Let me know if this has happened to you! The more we know about the red flags, the better we can protect ourselves.
Until next time,
Coach Deborah
Website: www.brokentoboldness.com
Email: deborah@brokentoboldness.com