What are the 7 Stages of Trauma Bonding?
What are the 7 stages of trauma bonding?
Happy New Year! I am Debbie Griffiths from Broken to Boldness and I have to admit that when I began writing my book about gaslighting, I had not heard the term “trauma bonding? I left my abuser 25 years ago so they now have better knowledge, diagnosis, and treatment for these issues. So what is trauma bonding? There’s a great article from Dimple Punjaabi who explains the 7 stages of trauma bonding. Trauma bonding is loyalty to a person who is toxic. It occurs because cycles of abuse are followed by intermittent love or reward and it creates a powerful emotional bond that is hard to break. These bonds can occur in romantic relationships, friendships, within a family and in the workplace.
What are the 7 stages?
1. Love Bombing – you are showered with excess love, affection appreciation and flattery to gain your affection.
2. Trust and Dependency – They will try and do anything to win your trust and make you depend on them for love and validation.
3. Criticism – They gradually start criticizing you and blame you for things or can become more demanding
4. Gaslighting – When things go wrong, they tell you it is your fault. It can lead to you doubting your own perceptions
5. Resigning to control – you no longer know what to believe but your only way of experiencing good feelings is by giving in and doing things their way
6. Loss of Self – When you speak up or fight back, things get worse. You settle to keep the peace and ultimately lose your confidence.
7. Addiction – you get addicted to the highs and lows. Your body is on a constant cortisol high (stress) and craves dopamine (pleasure). Creates a cycle of dependency similar to drug addiction.
In my novel, “Torched – Burnt By a Gaslighter”, I show these stages in action with the two main characters. These stages just don’t happen overnight, and in my case, took years for me to realize that things were not right.
I have to admit that Stage 7 – Addiction – was a surprise. Most of us think of drugs or alcohol addiction when we even first hear the word addiction. But there are a lot of addictions including gambling and overeating. I honestly didn’t see myself as being addicted but if I step back for a moment or two, I can see how much stress I was under at the time and I know I did not feel any pleasure. In fact, I was very depressed and suicidal. All of these stages now makes much more sense to me.
I am putting this information out there to raise awareness on the red flags of abuse. My book outlines the red flags as well as provides hope for those who leave abusive relationships that you can successfully rebuild your life. I have more information on my website at www.brokentoboldness.com where you can also purchase an autographed copy of the book. It is also available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and Walmart. If you, or anyone you know, needs help, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.
I hope that as we enter 2023, we all can take a step back before we say or do anything to hurt others. Let this year be the year to be kind. Until next time, Dieu Le Veult!