Will I Be Okay? Rebuilding Your Financial Confidence After Divorce
One of the scariest questions a woman can face after divorce isn't necessarily, What will happen next?
It's much simpler:
Will I be okay?
Will I have enough money? Can I afford my home? What happens when I retire? How do I manage accounts my spouse always handled? What if I make the wrong decision?
These questions can become overwhelming—especially when you're trying to make important financial decisions while also grieving the end of a marriage.
On a recent episode of Bent Not Broken: Life After Divorce, I spoke with financial professional Donna Kendrick about something I believe we don't discuss enough: the emotional side of money when you're starting over.
When Life Changes Without Your Permission
Donna understands starting over from personal experience.
At just 40 years old, she unexpectedly became a widow and was left raising three children. At the time, she was working part-time and earning approximately $17,000 a year.
Suddenly, she wasn't simply grieving. She had to figure out how to support her family and make financial decisions about a future that looked nothing like the one she had planned.
Eventually, that experience led Donna to reinvent herself professionally and become a Certified Financial Planner™ professional and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst®.
Today, she helps others navigate divorce, widowhood and other major life transitions.
Her story reminded me of something I've learned in my own life:
Starting over doesn't mean starting from nothing.
You bring your experiences, skills, resilience and everything you've learned with you.
Financial Fear After Divorce Is About More Than Money
When you're going through divorce, it's easy to look at finances as a collection of numbers.
Bank accounts.
Retirement funds.
Credit cards.
The house.
Income.
Debt.
But underneath those numbers are emotions.
Fear. Security. Identity. Independence. Sometimes even shame.
That's why making permanent financial decisions while you're emotionally overwhelmed can be dangerous.
One of the important points Donna shared during our conversation was the value of separating decisions into immediate, transitional and long-term decisions.
Not everything has to be solved today.
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is determine what actually requires your attention right now—and give yourself permission to deal with tomorrow's decisions tomorrow.
Know What You Own—and What You Owe
One of the biggest challenges I've seen women face is discovering that they don't fully understand their household finances.
Maybe your spouse paid the bills.
Maybe he handled investments.
Maybe you knew approximately how much money was coming in and going out but didn't know where accounts were held.
If that sounds familiar, don't let embarrassment stop you from becoming informed.
Start gathering information.
Know what accounts exist. Understand your debts. Review insurance policies. Locate retirement accounts. Check your credit report. Make sure you have access to important financial documents and passwords.
Knowledge doesn't instantly solve every financial problem, but it can begin replacing fear with clarity.
And clarity gives you choices.
Should You Keep the House?
For many women, the marital home represents much more than property.
It's where you raised your children.
It's familiar.
And when everything else in your life is changing, keeping the house can feel like holding onto one piece of stability.
But keeping the house isn't always the best financial decision.
Can you afford the mortgage?
What about taxes, insurance, repairs and maintenance?
Will keeping the house leave you without enough retirement savings or emergency funds?
The question isn't simply:
“Can I keep my house?”
A better question may be:
“Will keeping this house support the life I'm trying to build?”
Those are two very different questions.
Three Places to Start
If you're newly separated, divorced, widowed or simply trying to become more financially independent, Donna offered several practical steps during our conversation.
First, begin building an emergency cash reserve. Ideally, work toward having enough available to cover approximately six months of essential living expenses.
Second, get your financial house in order. Gather statements, account information, insurance documents and other important records so you understand your complete financial picture.
Third, review your credit. Know which accounts are yours, which are joint, what balances remain and how those obligations could affect your future.
You don't have to understand everything overnight.
You simply have to start.
Your Next Best Minute
One of my favorite ideas from my conversation with Donna was focusing on the “next best minute.”
I love that.
Because after divorce—or any major life transition—we can become so consumed with figuring out the next five or ten years that we forget we only have to live this moment first.
Maybe today you can't imagine what your life will look like five years from now.
That's okay.
What can you do in the next minute?
Make one phone call.
Find one bank statement.
Pull your credit report.
Ask one question.
Transfer $25 into savings.
Schedule an appointment with a financial professional.
Small actions begin restoring something divorce often takes away:
A sense of control.
Bent Not Broken
At the end of our conversation, Donna described being bent but not broken like a tree that has weathered a storm.
The tree may not look exactly as it did before.
Some branches may be gone.
Its shape may have changed.
But it's still standing.
I think that's a beautiful metaphor for starting over.
Divorce may change your financial circumstances. It may change your relationships, your plans and even how you see yourself.
But changed doesn't mean broken.
You can learn.
You can rebuild.
You can become financially stronger.
And you don't have to have your entire future figured out today.
Start with your next best minute.
Then take another.
That's how we write the next chapter.
Listen to the full conversation with Donna Kendrick on Bent Not Broken: Life After Divorce for more practical strategies on divorce, money, financial independence and rebuilding your life after an unexpected transition.